The Famous Five in Narnia
by Vfvd
Summary: On a hike one day the Kirrins stumble across a rather strange group of siblings in a rather strange land.


A/N: The Kirrins' personalities are much more similar to the "Five Go Mad in Dorset" parody than the original novels, just to provide contrast with the Pevensies.

"We're almost there, don't worry", Julian said, the sun beating down on the Five as they trudged through the seemingly endless field. "Bluebell Hill should be around here somewhere".

"We must have gone past it Ju", Dick complained as he wheeled his bike beside him.

"Yes, let's stop and rest for a while and read the map", George said, stopping so as to give Timmy and Anne a chance to catch up.

"Well, maybe we should", Julian sighed. "But let's just check over there. The others agreeing with him, they laid their bikes and bags down and walked over to a copse.

Without warning, they suddenly found themselves in a dense forest, the sun much higher in the sky than it had been. The field in which they had been had vanished, along with their bicycles and rucksacks. They were standing underneath a large tree, the ground earthy and a spring running nearby.

"What the dickens?", Julian said. "Where on earth are we?"

They all looked around. "Yes", George echoed. "Where are we?"

"I don't like it Ju", Anne said as she clung to his hand.

"Don't worry", Julian said reassuringly. "There's obviously been a misunderstanding. Let's walk to the edge of the forest and see where we find ourselves". They did just that, keeping to the shade of the trees. Animals rustled around them, birds swooping and fluttering onto the branches. One magpie came to land on the path in front of them. "Isn't he sweet", Anne said.

"Hello", said the magpie.

The four Kirrins gasped. "Did you just hear that?", George said aghast. "He said 'hello'!"

"That's silly", Julian said. "It must have just _sounded_ like hello. Say it again", he said to the magpie.

The magpie cocked his head to one side, seemingly mockingly, and Julian reddened. '_What on earth am I doing talking to a magpie?' _he thought, and said, "Come on. Let's carry on walking".

The magpie flew away, and they didn't see him again. They walked for another mile before Dick said, "Wherever we are I like it", as they reached the edge of the woods and saw a meadow before them. "I'd much rather camp here".

"Let's just try and find somebody we can ask", Julian said. "Speaking of which, there don't seem to be many people. Where is everybody?"

King Peter, Queen Susan, King Edmund and Queen Lucy were lying under the shade of a large oak tree, which provided then with shade from the heat of the Narnian summer.

As they were relaxing, a magpie, the same one who had scared the Kirrins, swooped down to sit with them.

"Hello Mr. Major", Edmund grinned. "What are you up to?"

"I beg your pardon your Majesties", the magpie said after bowing. "But I have some news of which I should inform you".

"Yes?", Susan said, sitting up so as to observe him.

"I was in the forest, flitting from tree to tree as I pleased when I came across two Sons of Adam and Two Daughters of Eve".

"What?", Peter said, astounded. "That's impossible!"

The magpie shrugged his feathery shoulders. "It is what I saw, your Majesty. They seemed quite rude; didn't even answer when I greeted them. They were heading towards the Great Meadow. You might wish to go and intercept them".

"We most certainly will", Peter said with a nod to his siblings. "Come on".

As the Kirrins walked through the sun filled meadow, Anne suddenly noticed something. "Look!" she pointed. "People!"

They all looked and saw four children, around the same age as themselves walking down the hill to where they were. "They look very peculiar", Dick noted, for the children appeared to be dressed in a medieval garb, the girls in long skirts and the boys in something that appeared to be rather feminine looking trousers.

They came nearer and nearer until they stood in a line, mere metres away from the Kirrins. The Pevensies looked at the Kirrins. The Kirrins looked at the Pevensies. "Good morning", Peter said in a dignified manner.

"Where on earth are we?", Julian asked, dumbfounded.

"You're in Narnia", Peter said politely to the strangers.

Julian looked from his map to his compass and then back to Peter again. "We jolly well are not, because according to my calculations which are infallible we are by Bluebell Hill where we shall be camping".

"No, you're in Narnia," Peter corrected him. "Although I don't know how on earth you came to be here. Were you in a wardrobe?" he asked with interest.

Julian looked at him as though if he were a lunatic, and raised one eyebrow as he said, "Of course we weren't in a wardrobe. What on earth would we be doing in there? We were hiking and were walking through a field when suddenly we appeared here".

"Well, that's rather unorthodox", Peter said. "What's your name?"

"Julian. We're the Kirrins", said Julian.

"We're the Pevensies", Peter said gesturing to his siblings. "I'm Peter, this is Susan, Edmund and Lucy".

"Well then Peter", Julian said as he scanned his map, annoyed to be lost. "Could you possibly tell us how to get out of this Narnia place you insist that we are in?"

"I'm afraid you can't leave", Peter said.

"But if we don't leave now, we won't be home in time for tea", Anne said worriedly.

"Why can't we leave?", Julian asked.

"I don't know how you got here, and I don't know how to get you back", Peter admitted.

Julian snorted, as he said, "You don't know very much, do you Peter?"

"That's High King Peter the Magnificent to you", Peter said crossly, liking this newcomer less and less.

"Excuse me", Julian said, puffing out his chest. "I don't know who you think you are to give me orders! I am the alpha male around here! Even Dick doesn't dare to challenge my authority! And whenever he does, he's always wrong".

"Well I am High King of Narnia" Peter said. "And you are trespassers to our realm, and not very nice ones at that!"

Lucy, always the friendly one, noticed Anne's distress at the boys' disagreements and smiled at her, thinking she looked very shy.

"Hello", she chirped. "I'm Lucy. What's your name?"

"Anne", said Anne. "I like your dress", Anne said, eyeing the medieval-looking frock with approval. "Is the sewing pattern available?"

"No", Lucy laughed as she linked arms with her newfound friend, leading her up the hill, following Peter and Julian who had just started walking. "I had it made for me specially. Mrs. Beaver helped".

Anne nodded politely, wondering who on earth Mrs. Beaver could be, and patted Timmy on the head as he came bounding up.

"That is a lovely dog", Lucy said with approval.

"This is Tim", Anne said, and Lucy bent down to stroke him. "Does he talk?", Lucy asked.

"Why of course not", Anne said with a laugh. "Talking animals are a very fanciful and childish idea".

"No they aren't", Lucy countered. "Narnia is full of them, I'll show you myself! Even though they may shock you at first. I met my first talking animal, a faun, when I came on my first adventure to Narnia".

"I don't really like adventures", Anne confessed. "My brothers and cousin do, though".

"I do", said Lucy. "It's boring if you don't- like Susan", she whispered.

"But you're a girl! Girls are supposed to make good housewives, not to run off on adventures", Anne said, confused with her bold friend.

"Well I won't be a good housewife then", Lucy laughed. "I love adventures!"

"What's your name?", Susan said as she crossed over to George, believing him for all the world to be a boy, and sensing that she looked left out of the proceedings.

"George", George said, her foul mood fuelled by the girl's extremely feminine appearance. "Georgina really, but don't you dare call me that!"

"I won't", Susan smiled. "But if you're really a girl, why do you dress like a boy? I do love being a girl", she smiled as she twisted a lock of her long hair around her finger. "We have such lovely clothes- as High Queen I get to wear the most beautiful gowns, as well as a crown".

George scowled and dug her hands even deeper into her pockets. "I think being a girl is silly", she said crossly. "What would you want to be a girl for? Long hair and dresses are stupid".

"That's not a very nice thing to say", Susan said, feeling shocked. Although, as she took another look at George, she couldn't help thinking that beautiful clothes would be wasted on her.

Looking around at Peter and Julian arguing, Anne laughing hesitantly at Lucy's stories and Edmund completely ignoring Dick who looked rather wounded, she couldn't help but think that their meeting hadn't gone too well, but was determined to be a polite hostess.

"Everyone!" she said loudly, causing everyone to look at her, surprised. "Perhaps we haven't got off to the best start. Rather than standing here arguing", she said with a pointed look at Peter and Julian, "Why don't you come back to our castle? You seem like nice enough children".

"You have a castle?", Anne asked, her eyes rounded.

"Yes", Susan smiled. "You can see it just through the trees there", she gestured. "As Kings and Queens, it belongs to us. It's not far and is a splendid castle if I say so myself".

"I'd love to", Anne said, just as Julian said, "We should try to get back".

"Oh please Julian", Anne said with a wide-eyed persuasive look at her brother. "Lucy here said that she'd show me some of the animals they have here in Narnia".

"Oh... Alright then", Julian said as he finally gave in.

"I have a castle too", George added, determined not to be outdone by this girl who clearly disapproved of her tomboy ways, and didn't mention that the castle on Kirrin Island was merely a ruin.

"Really? In England?", Susan asked, politely puzzled.

"Yes", George said brashly. "It's extremely hard to reach, situated on an island, and is our very own".

"That sounds lovely", Susan said. "Does your castle have a name?"

"Kirrin Castle", George said, patting Timmy on the head. "What's yours called?"

"Cair Paravel", Susan replied, but her remark was met with a snort from Julian who had overheard them, as he said, "That sounds foreign!"

Nevertheless, the Kirrins followed the Pevensies as they began to walk back through the magnificent forests to Cair Paravel.

They walked initially with their own family members, although Anne crossed over next to Lucy, who was soon chattering non-stop about the Battle of Beruna and other stories of what happened in Narnia, which led Anne to rate the Five's adventures as very feeble in comparison.

Whereas Anne and Lucy seemed to be amicable despite their differences, Dick's efforts to make friends with a sullen looking Edmund were going much more badly.

"Hello", Dick said cheerily to Edmund, who was skulking slowly behind his main family group. "I'm Dick. Are you the younger boy too? I say, it's rather a blow having an elder brother, isn't it?"

"Bugger off", Edmund said sullenly.

"You are rude" Dick observed. "I was just trying to be friendly. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing", Edmund said with a scowl. "I just don't want to talk to you. I'm not supposed to talk to strangers".

"Well you don't have a lot of people to talk to then", Dick pointed out, leading Edmund to scowl even more. Finding the boy to be even more disagreeable than George, Dick walked over to where Julian was.

"Julian", Dick said, tapping his brother on the arm. Julian looked up from his activity of pointedly ignoring Peter.

"Julian I'm hungry", Dick said with a sigh.

"So am I", Edmund agreed, and the boys looked at each other, shocked to have found a common interest, both their faces cracking into wicked grins.

"Here", Julian said as he rummaged in his pocket and pulling out a brown paper bag. "Would you like some aniseed balls? They're not exactly filling, but they're better than nothing".

"Oh yes", Edmund and Dick said, eyes sparkling. "Hold on", Edmund said cautiously. "They aren't poisoned, are they?"

"No", Dick laughed, stuffing three into his mouth. "Why on earth would they be?"

"Well, I've learnt that you've got to be careful when taking sweets from strangers", Edmund said, but crunched on a sweet companionably with Dick.

"I don't think they've got off to a good start", Edmund said, indicating Julian and Peter who had re-commenced arguing about where they were, Peter stating that they were in Narnia and Julian affirming that they were near Bluebell Hill, both tugging the map from one another. "My brother is awfully bossy. He gets to be 'High King' where I'm just 'King'".

"My brother is bossy too", Dick sighed. "He thinks that just because he's older, he is more important than me. He decides what we do on every hike and makes all the decisions himself".

Glancing over at the two younger boys eating sweets, Julian couldn't help but feel that they would all be hungry before long.

"In this place that you so wrongly call Narnia, is there anywhere where we can by chance purchase a cream tea? Or sandwiches? Or even ginger beer", Julian enquired of Peter.

"No", Peter said. "There are no tea shops in Narnia".

"Mr. Tumnus does a lovely tea," Lucy said as she came over to her brother, Anne following in her wake. "We could go and visit him".

"He definitely sounds foreign", Julian said with a snort. "What sort of name is 'Tumnus' anyway? Anne, don't touch anything this foreigner gives you. He could be a traitor to the country", Julian cautioned his little sister, who nodded obediently.

"Mr. Tumnus isn't a traitor", Lucy said crossly. "Yes, don't be so rude", Susan chipped in.

"Let's not argue", Peter said patiently, his attempt to take control of the situation which earned him a dirty look from Julian. "You can have afternoon tea once we get back to Cair.

"That sounds lovely", Lucy said, smiling. "Ooh, look, there's a squirrel, he can talk", Lucy said, pointing out the Narnian beasts to Anne. "And a deer, I don't know if she can talk or not..."

"Have you got any more sweets?", Edmund asked. "Only two more packs of aniseed balls, three bags of pear drops and seven packets of liquorice", Dick replied. "When you're camping with my family, you never know what might happen so it's best to be prepared. Would you like some?"

"Edmund what are you eating?", Susan said as she came to walk beside them, having given up on finding a common point of conversation with George. "It's not Turkish Delight again is it?"

"No", Edmund said with his mouth full of liquorice. "Just some sweets that Dick gave me".

At the front of the group, both determined to lead, Peter and Julian were walking side by side, still set on avoiding the other, until Peter said with a sigh, "Perhaps we should start again. You're obviously used to being the leader, as am I. But the one thing we have in common is that we both protect our families".

"That's true", Julian agreed, and succumbed to smiling at him. "Let's not argue- I don't want to upset Anne, or your little sister Lucy".

"They won't like us being at odds with each other", Peter commented.

"No, what can you expect, they're only girls", Julian agreed.

"I say", Peter began. "When we get to Cair- I could teach you to sword fight. If you'd like".

"Well", Julian began, and then unable to hide his excitement, said, "Yes please!"

"Very well", Peter said. "We're here now, anyway".

The four Kirrins were amazed by the size and splendour of the castle, so different to anything they knew in England.

"Your Majesties", a talking fox greeted them at the entrance. "I see that you have company with you".

"Yes", Peter said. "These four children are our friends and will eat with us. If the meal could be brought out to the gardens, that would be perfect".

"Very good your Majesty", the fox bowed before leaving.

With an admirable look at Peter, Julian asked, "Does everyone in this Narnia place do as you tell them? That would be amazing!"

"Yes I'm the High King, of course they do", Peter said as he led the party through to the royal gardens where a table and chair awaited them in the shade near a pleasant fountain. "Except Edmund, that is," he added with a jovial smile at his younger brother, who smirked at him in return.

"Well, sit down", Peter said, and they all seated themselves, Timmy content with sitting next to his mistress. "After we've eaten, I'll show you the basics of how to wield a sword", Peter said.

This caught George's attention at once, and she blurted out, "Sword fighting?"

"Yes, Peter is going to teach me", Julian said with a smile at his cousin. "Why? Would you like to learn?"

"Yes please!", George said with a grin.

"Very well, Peter said. "Edmund can instruct your brother, and we two can help you", Peter said with a smile at George. "I doubt your sister will want to join in", he said to Julian, gesturing to Anne.

Julian shook his head with a smile and Peter said, "She can stay here with Susan".

Just then, a waiter brought over silver platters containing their food. It looked delicious- piles of sandwiches in every thinkable variety, glasses filled to the brim with ice-cold beverages and platters of cakes and biscuits.

The only problem was that their waiter was a rabbit, and despite it walking on its hind legs, Timmy recognised it immediately and shot towards it, his tongue hanging out gleefully.

"No Tim, no!" George cried as she dashed after her dog and caught him several feet short of the poor rabbit, landing on top of Timmy in an attempt to restrain him. "You can't chase poor Mr. Rabbit!"

"Pardon me, Miss but my name is actually Mr. Frederick Cottontail", the rabbit corrected her as he began to place the dishes on the table.

"Oh", George said, still rather bemused by the concept of a talking rabbit.

"Sorry, Mr. Cottontail".

The meal proved to be delicious, with even enough food for the Five's ferocious appetites.

"This was certainly splendid", Julian said, after sixteen sandwiches, twenty cakes and a tankard of lemonade. "It was- even though there weren't any potted meat sandwiches", George agreed.

"Shall I make a start on instructing you in sword fighting, then?" Peter said as he stood up, stretching slightly.

"Yes!", Julian said eagerly, George nodding in agreement before they both followed him to the armoury.

"Come on, I'll teach you too, if you want", Edmund said to Dick, and he heartily accepted, so they too disappeared.

Lucy was torn between going to watch (and joining in as best she could with her little dagger) and staying to keep Anne company. In the end she decided on the latter, and she and Susan chatted and laughed with Anne as they showed her some of the cross-stitches they had completed.

In a nearby field, Julian was doing his very best to stay on his horse as he attempted yet again to disarm Peter. George had taken to her steed at once, and was engaged in a bout with a centaur, noticing happily that she seemed to have taken to it much better than Julian. "I really am as good as a boy", she whispered to herself. Down on the ground, Edmund and Dick lunged towards one another, their swords clashing and reflecting the sun's glare.

"You'll be ready to command an army now", Peter said as they stopped for a rest, leaning up against a tree and sipping some water.

Julian laughed; "I'm not used to commanding an army. Just my siblings and cousin, although doing so may be just as difficult!"

Back in the gardens, Lucy was explaining the workings of Narnia to Anne. "In Narnia, we make all the decisions together- about trade with nearby countries, maintenance of land, just about anything".

"You decide things together?", Anne said, slightly puzzled. "Peter doesn't do absolutely everything? I wish I were a Queen", she sighed, leading the other two to laugh.

"No", Susan smiled. "We're all Kings and Queens, so all our opinions count in the running of our country".

"But Peter still takes care of me, because he's my eldest brother", Lucy said.

"It's just the same with Julian- I can always rely on him" Anne smiled. "I was wondering; as that meal was simply delicious, could you perhaps lend me some of your recipes? Only I'm sure my brothers would love it if I made it for them again in England".

Susan took Anne inside to the royal kitchens where there were a number of animals hard at work who were only too pleased to show her how to prepare some of the easier dishes.

Some time later, Edmund and Dick returned to where Susan was sitting peacefully, both of them laughing incessantly. "I fought with Julian- and I won!", Dick said, clearly pleased with himself having won this minor battle of masculinity against his brother.

Julian came walking over sometime later, still clutching a sword in his hand, equally happy to have just disarmed Peter. "Where's Anne?", he asked, puzzled to see his sister missing.

"In the kitchen", Susan replied.

"Ah good", Julian nodded. "Anyway- I'm very hot and sticky after all that sword fighting. Is there anywhere we could bathe?"

"Or just go for a paddle?", Dick added. "A lovely cold dip!"

"We could go down to the shore", Susan said, just as Anne returned clutching a plate of little cakes. "I made them myself", she said proudly, and was also wearing a beautiful long gown leant to her by Queen Lucy.

"These are delicious", Dick said, helping himself at once.

"Yes", Julian agreed. "You'll make a perfectly splendid housewife".

"I'm never going to be a housewife", Lucy declared. "I'm going to live here in Narnia with my animal friends and never marry".

"I say Ju", Dick whispered in his brother's ear. "Her ideas are awfully odd. They might influence Anne!"

"Let's just hope they don't", Julian whispered back.

On the other side of the table, Edmund was peering at George, confused. "In England is it normal for girls to dress up as boys? If so, then England must have changed. We haven't been back in quite some time", he said.

"It's not normal, but I can do it if I want to", George said. "Even if anyone tries to stop me I wouldn't listen, I'd much rather be a boy than a girl".

"Well, you're certainly a good swordswoman. Or swordsman", he amended, leading George to smile happily.

As the day wore on, the children became much more at ease with each other, the results of their initial culture clash having worn off. They stayed there for a while longer, before trooping down to the bay where Peter immediately challenged Julian to a swimming race.

It ended with a tie, as declared by George, and Edmund and Dick joined them soon after, as they splashed and larked happily in the afternoon sun, Anne, Susan and Lucy preferring to lie on the warm sand, throwing the occasional rock into the waves for Timmy.

Several hours later, when the swords people were sufficiently refreshed, they began to troop back to the gardens of Cair, and as they sat there, the sun began to dip below the trees, so their vision was aided by fireflies who flitted across the darkened sky.

Julian began to worry about where he and his family were going to sleep that night. "Peter is there anywhere nearby where we can sleep tonight? A friendly old couple's cottage? Or a barn? If not, we could sleep under the stars".

This led all four Pevensies to burst out laughing. "You can stay in the castle with us", Edmund said. "We wouldn't dream of making you sleep in a field".

"We're perfectly accustomed to it", Dick began to say, but was interrupted by Susan saying, "You can have a room each- the castle is more than big enough".

"They do love to boast don't they?", Julian whispered to Dick as they followed them inside, leaving Dick to laugh at the irony.

"Julian, what if Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin become worried?", Anne said with a wail as she realised.

"Don't worry", Lucy smiled. "Time in Narnia doesn't pass as time usually does- your family won't even notice that you're gone. Years and years could pass here, but not one moment of your time would".

"This definitely isn't England", Dick said to himself.

That night, the four Kirrins found it odd to be sleeping in unknown beds in an unknown land, rather than in their tents, and the four Pevensies found if even stranger to have the four Kirrins staying with them.

Nevertheless, breakfast the next morning was not at all awkward, and Susan and Peter who had awoken first smiled genially at the Kirrins as they came into the dining chamber.

"Did you sleep well?", Susan enquired.

"Splendidly", Dick said with a smile. "It's certainly far more relaxing then sharing a tent with you, Ju", Dick said with an impish grin at his elder brother.

Edmund and Lucy appeared a short while later, and seated themselves next to Dick and Anne respectively.

"It feels odd not to be cooking the breakfast", Anne mused as she sipped at her cup, which led Lucy to laugh.

"I'd better take Timmy for his early morning walk", George said after she had finished.

"I'll come with you", Peter offered.

"We'll all come", Edmund said. "We're almost done".

When they finished their breakfast, the eight children and dog walked slowly across the nearby fields and meadows, the early-morning sun pleasantly warm.

All of a sudden, Timmy let out a joyful yelp- he had spotted yet another rabbit. With a joyful bound, he tore after it, into the forest.

"Timmy! No!", George called and took off after him, followed by Julian who said, "I'll get him George!"

Together, they ran after the tear away dog, while Dick and Anne struggled to keep up. The four Pevensies watched, rather perplexed, as the Kirrins ran into the forest after their dog.

"I do hope that isn't a talking rabbit!" Anne from where she was running next to Dick. Then, without warning, the four children (and Timmy) found themselves thrown forward onto the ground.

Except the ground wasn't the forest of Narnia- it was a damp wet field, with a signpost nearby on which they read the name "Bluebell Hill", although the children didn't notice it in their confusion.

They stood up, looking at each other. Anne was no longer in her beautiful dress, but rather her everyday clothes. "We're us again!" Anne said, aghast.

They turned around, expecting to see the forest and the Pevensie children, but instead saw the field, dotted with bushes and a five bar gate.

"We're back in England", Dick said. "However did we manage it?!", George said, puzzled. "The same way we got in, I expect. By pure chance", Julian said gloomily. "That really was an adventure, though!"

"Do you think it really happened- or did we just dream it?", Anne thought out loud as she picked up her rucksack.

"Silly", George laughed. "We didn't all have the same dream!"

"They were very kind, our friends", Dick said as he found his bike exactly where he had left it, and picked it up.

"They certainly were", Julian agreed. "Even if they were a bit- well, odd at first!"

"I didn't want to come back to England- I liked it there, the food was superb" Dick said.

"And the clothes", Anne added.

"And the Pevensie children were so very kind", Julian added.

"I thought you didn't like Peter- you thought he had more power than you", Dick teased, good-naturedly pushing his brother's shoulder.

Julian blushed, as he said, "Well that was when I first met him. I liked him afterwards".

"I agree, said George. "They were all really first rate".

"Definitely", laughed Anne. "You know Ju, they make all their decisions together. Susan and Lucy told me", she said. "So you should let us help you with the orienteering!"

"Alright", Julian said with a laugh. "Help me find where we are," he said, proffering the map.

"I know where we are!", Dick chuckled. "Look!"

He pointed at the sign that read "Bluebell Hill", and Anne and George burst out laughing while Julian said with a scowl, "See, I was right all along!"


End file.
